“House Of The Dragon” Episode 5 Recap: Every Thought I Had While Watching

“House Of The Dragon” Episode 5 Recap: Every Thought I Had While Watching

1. Okay, where are we starting this week?

2. Oh, this is Lady Rhea! So we must be at Runestone.

3. So this is the woman Daemon has been calling ugly? What a dick.

4. Uh-oh.

5. I can see what’s coming, and I don’t like it.

6. Gottem with the sheep line, at least.

7. Rhea’s clearly gonna die, but she’s gonna go out dealing sick burns.

8. OH GOD, the crunching sound.

9. Horrific. 

10. Also horrific, Viserys’s seasickness. Gross!

11. Otto Hightower, still putting way too much pressure on his teenage daughter.

12. He’s not wrong, though! He’s pretty much calling it exactly as it’s going to happen.

13. LOL, poor Viserys. This trip is rough on him.

14. Um, like, is he going to make it? This…might be his last episode. I don’t like that cough.

15. Wow, Corlys still being petty.

16. Lord Larys, doing his best Littlefinger impression here. Or maybe more of a Varys impression? Either way, here’s our new manipulator.

17. Ohhh, he spilled the tea about the tea.

18. I didn’t even think of this, about the Velaryon-versus-Targaryen name for the heirs. At least everyone’s being reasonable about it here.

19. This duck and goose conversation is sending me.

20. Rhaenyra suggesting the open relationship right off the bat!

21. Ah, Ser Laenor is gay. Well, this might be the most convenient option for the both of them, honestly.

22. Look at Corlys, being problematic about his son but an ally about his wife in the same scene.

23. Ser Criston is breaking my heart here 😭.

24. Bless him, he’s trying.

25. “You want me to be your whore.” Poor Criston.

26. Oh no, Viserys is collapsing to the ground now. I’m seriously about to google how many episodes he has left. Is this it? Nobody tell me.

27. Alicent is being TOO VAGUE.

28. Ser Criston, DO NOT SAY ANYTHING.


30. Say less, Criston. 

31. Seriously, if he had just not interrupted…

32. OH my god, the way he’s like, “Please just execute me instead of torturing me.” Holy shit.

33. Like, I knew Rhaenyra was putting him in a terrible spot and abusing her power, but I did not know the punishment was TORTURE.

34. Justice for that other maester who’s like, “Maybe we should try some herbal medicine instead of more leeches?”

35. And the grand maester is like, “Shut up and get more leeches.”

36. Love Paddy Considine’s performance in this scene!

37. The idea that he’d be disappointed that he ruled in peace and comfort is kinda sad, tbh.

38. I mean, he set in motion a series of events that will bring ruin to his entire dynasty, but the poor guy was just trying to do the right thing most of the time.

39. Weddings make me nervous on this show.

40. I mean, we’ve literally never had a wedding that didn’t end in some kind of chaos.

41. Considering there’s only 15 or so minutes left in this episode, I don’t think it’s all going to be happy dancing.

42. But one can hope!

43. Oh great, Daemon’s here.

44. My guess is Gerald Royce is gonna start shit.

45. Good lord, did ANYONE show up to this wedding on time?

46. Oooh, that line about the beacon lit green for war was a good one. Chilling.

47. I love how much Rhaenyra is clearly bored by the dancing.

48. Yuuup, here’s Ser Royce calling out Daemon! Get his ass, tbh.

49. Dammit, I can’t help but love Daemon, though, the way Matt Smith delivers lines like, “I’m positively bereft.”

50. Oh, he’s trying to inherit Runestone from her.

51. It’s hard to love a Joffrey, but Laenor’s boyfriend is SMART and he’s bringing the name around for me.

52. Look at him figuring out Criston right away.

53. Rhaenyra, it is your WEDDING. You are being MESSY with your UNCLE again.

54. Oh god, what’s happening.


56. Who is it?

57. Oh noooo, no, no.

58. Not Ser Criston! Not the good Joffrey!

59. That was absolutely horrendous.

60. Ugh. Sickening.

61. Poor Laenor. 

62. Is Alicent STILL going to spare Criston?

63. Truly disturbing final shot.

64. Next time there’s a wedding on this show, I’m just gonna turn it off.