37 Tips And Tricks To Making Your Partner Moan, Curse And Gasp During Sex

37 Tips And Tricks To Making Your Partner Moan, Curse And Gasp During Sex

*grabs a pen and paperTake notes.

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First things first, even though this is just elevating your sex game with your partner, whether long- or short-term, consent is a *MUST*. Sometimes, partners have different sex drives and other times, you’re just not in the mood or feeling sexy. Make sure all kinds of play with a partner are fully (and continually) consented to throughout.


Throughout this article we use quotes and tips from readers when we asked the BuzzFeed Community to share their sex tips, tips for having the best sex, sex tips that *aren’tbullshit, oral sex tips, and even anal sex tips

“There’s no point in forcing it. Sometimes your partner will be beautiful and sexy, but if you’re not in the mood, it’s just not going to work. Save it for another time (or another partner).” –Anonymous

“You should have three lists: do, try, DON’T! The DON’T! list is VERY important, even if there is only one thing on it. ” —Amelia Davis, Facebook


Talk it out! Sit down with your partner and make a list of things you want to do, don’t want to do, and are willing to explore. There’s no way to know what the other wants without communication. Unfortunately, we can’t read minds.


“Sex is about giving and receiving pleasure, so if you’re not enjoying yourself, speak up! If you want to try something new, say so! Don’t shame yourself into having a bad experience.” –Vitória Isis Bortoluzzi

“It’s good to please your partner, but don’t neglect your own pleasure! Getting is just as important as giving. Sex should feel good for everyone involved.” –Paula Leonardo Santiago

“Work it into your foreplay. Say ‘I’m going to do _____ to _____. Would you like that? Can I do that to you?’ If they’re unsure, uncomfortable, or flat-out say that they’re not into it, then BACK OFF. Do not push it. Reassure your partner that it’s OK to say ‘I’m not really into this right now.’ Don’t make them feel bad for denying. When you’re changing from one action to another, ask if it’s OK. Once again, you can make this sexy without killing the mood, if you so please. Someone who is good in bed is someone who pays attention to their partner. Ask for consent and see what they are into first.” —Mariah Miller (Facebook)


Masturbate, together *andon your own. Masturbation is the best way for you to figure out what you like and might want from a partner. And sometimes, full-on penetrative or oral sex is just not the move, so why not rub one out together?


There are lots of ways to let your partner know you’re interested in mutual masturbation: you could literally talk about it, turn on your favorite ethical porno or audio erotica and get into some heavy petting, or even start playing with yourself and ask your partner if they want to join in!

One BuzzFeed reader is just stating facts about how masturbation is one of the best steps to a successful sex life: “If you don’t know your own body, there’s no way you can expect someone else to get familiar with it, so figure yourself out!” –Luiza Vieira


Ask questions and experiment with your partner! Like I said before, we can’t read minds, so let your partner know what you enjoy, what you don’t and what you’d be open to exploring with them.


Here’s what several BuzzFeed readers had to say about approaching a partner about experimenting with something new:

“Being open-minded to trying new things but also knowing the definitive boundaries for each person.” —Alexis Ferguson (Facebook)

“It’s all about experimentation. Finding out what your partner enjoys and what they don’t. It’s OK to come right out and ask; it’s also OK to figure out along the way. But don’t hold back — don’t be afraid to show off those quirky sex things you’ve always wanted to try. A partner who you work well with will understand and probably show you a thing or two you didn’t think you could like.” —Bailey Parenteau (Facebook)

“Commit. I’m not saying do anything you don’t want to do, but if you’ve both consented and agree on having sexy times, be 100% into what you are doing. Eye contact, think about your partner’s body, what they like, verbalize your desires, give it your all. If you aren’t into it or aren’t actively participating, there will be a significant difference between that and being present in what you are doing.” —Molly Jane Sisson, Facebook


Learn to please your partner before — or even ~without~ — penetration. Let’s not call it “foreplay” anymore, because sometimes it can be the BEST or ONLY part of play in that moment. There are lots of different kinds of sex — digital, oral, mutual masturbation — make sure you’re exploring *allyour options.


But—for simplicity—we’ll just use the term “foreplay” in this article, but know that sex doesn’t have to be penetrative and the hot and heavy play leading up to it can count!

Many BuzzFeed readers have strong opinions about the wonderfulness of “foreplay” and other sex acts besides penetration, and I definitely cosign:

“There’s more to sex than just penetration. Some women say that the best part is actually the foreplay.” –Paula Dias da Silva

“If you do not enjoy penetration for whatever reason, don’t feel like you can’t still have enjoyable sex and/or satisfy your partner! There are sooooo many other things you can do that don’t involve any penetration and will still make everyone happy.” —nny909

“If sex is only fun when you do oral, or hand stuff, or just kissing, or whatever, then don’t make yourself do anything else! Just do the fun stuff. Sex shouldn’t be work.” —priyah2


Take time to tease your partner or build up to banging by focusing your attention on the other erogenous zones: nipples, earlobes, necks, elbows, etc. While the penis, vagina, anus and clitoris are definitely hot spots, exploring different areas of your body with various sensations can definitely heat things up.

Map of erogenous zones with descriptions

Dame Products / Sophi Gullbrants / Via dame.com

This infographic from Dame details each erogenous zone, so you can map your way through the pleasure arena with or without a toy. Here’s what several BuzzFeed readers had to say about upping your foreplay to give a little TLC to those sensitive areas:

“Lip biting, earlobe nibbles, neck kissing, grinding against you at first to build up the anticipation.” —shaunaa2

“Get to know each other’s quirks (like that right spot on his neck or that one tongue move that drives her crazy) before jumping straight to the inside. It makes for a more intense experience physically and especially psychologically when things do finally reach their climax, so to speak.” —omgizzleinvaderzim

“Antici…pation. Don’t just dive into things. Make out a while. If you’re heading south, leave kisses behind the knees, down the thighs, around the belly and just above the genitals. It heightens the sensations and builds the tension, plus if your partner has self-esteem issues, it’s a way to reassure them that you love their whole body.” —meredithp4c7f8c00f


Steal second base 🏃💨 which is to say, do a little fingering and a couple handjobs before things get wet or heavy!

Wet For Her, Emojibator

I feel like digital play is often ignored or skipped over because, well, oral sex. BUT if you’re lucky enough to have a partner with a strong finger game…enjoy it. And, if you want to enjoy some finger play, but want a little help in the matter, here are a few sex toys that can elevate your skills:

A Finger Extender ($39.95 at Wet For Her) which allows the wearer to reach their lover’s G-spot with its curved silicone design and 4.7 inch length.

The Fin vibrator by Dame ($85 on Dame and $65.83 on Amazon) is available in two colors and boasts a smooth surface with a removable tether, so you can customize your control. It has three intensity levels, as well as a pointed side for targeted stimulation and a squishy side for broader organization.

The Queeni Swan finger vibrator ($54 on Emojibator and $49 on Amazon) which allows you and your partner to explore your favorite erogenous zones with five powerful vibrations and a waterproof design in case you want to take your play into the tub.


Work out one of the strongest muscles in your body: the tongue. Seriously, oral sex is a lot of people’s favorite thing, to the point where it’s almost a cliché. But don’t worry, we at BuzzFeed have gathered some tips to help you up your oral skills.


If oral sex isn’t your jam, that’s perfectly fine and there are definitely ways to engage in oral without having to learn to deep throat, spell out the alphabet on the clit or eat the booty like groceries. Never do anything you don’t want to, but if you love oral or want to explore it further, definitely check out what these oral aficionados had to say:

“I LOVE giving oral, and I’ve been told that’s the difference. Just enjoying it for the pleasure you can provide, paying attention to your partner’s signals (audible, physical, whatever), and being fully invested in it. It’s not a chore or a job.” — jkwallace89

“Just because it’s called oral sex doesn’t mean you only have to use your mouth. Be sure to use your hands as well, and pay attention to the movements that give you the best reactions. Not everyone is sensitive in exactly the same areas, and some may be too sensitive in certain areas.” — bradlyb

“Not good at giving head? OK, tell them you really want to make them feel good but you’re not sure of your technique and to feel free to give pointers. Something you did before that really got you off? Awesome! Tell your partner what it was and how you liked it. Get anxious and awkward? Tell your partner. It doesn’t have to be a serious conversation, keep it light. Be open. Guaranteed it will produce a better sexual experience. Happy orgasms for all!” —lynzycat

“Whether you’re giving or receiving head, your partner should tell you what they do/don’t like. Nothing is sexier than a guy or girl telling you that you’re doing a great job, whether by moaning, pulling hair, dirty talk, or keeping your head on a particular spot for an extended amount of time.” — elizabethhubka


Going down on a vulva-owner doesn’t have to be fancy or elaborate, it just has to be good. The clitoris is already hella sensitive and all vulva-owners are different, so what might have worked on a previous partner might not be the next partner’s jam. Make sure to listen up and pay attention to those physical reactions when you’re poking around a vulva with your tongue.


If you’re trying to go for a hands-free method of cunnilingus, check out what these BuzzFeed readers had to say about figuring out what works best for your vulva-owning partner:

“Your tongue is not a penis. Oral sex has to be like a well-placed kiss: moist, unhurried, and organized. It’s not just about seeing how far you can stick your stiff tongue in.” —Camila Leite

“Many women don’t think they’re very attractive down there, which is bullshit! Take a good look and say, with sincerity, what you like about her vagina and be specific! What’s appealing about the color, shape, scent, taste…” —Luana Shaedler

“Women are all different! Sensations are going to feel different from woman to woman. Reading all the oral sex tips in the world won’t help at all if your partner isn’t in the mood or doesn’t like what you’re doing. Communication is the secret!” —Haylana Rucker


Find your rhythm.


“Rhythm is everything! You’re better off trying to keep the same rhythm than thinking that you need to samba all over the place with your tongue! Did you hear that little gasp? KEEP IT UP!” —Gabriele Bessa

“When it comes to eating pussy, my biggest tip is be able to keep to different rhythms, one with your mouth and the other with your hands/fingers, simultaneously. Apparently people struggle with this more than you’d think. It’s almost like a rubbing your belly and tapping your head kind of thing.” — jessiec422e069a7

“Well I can’t speak for everyone else, but consistency, please. You don’t need the fancy tricks or the ABCs; just do one consistent motion on my clitoris and I’m almost sure to orgasm. Granted, it’s not gonna happen in one minute, but if you have the tongue strength and stay down there for a bit doing the same thing — prime!” —Cassandra Fernandez de Aenlle, Facebook


Add a little oomph to your cunnilingus skills with your fingers or even a vibrator, to make them really go wild.

amazon.com, Unbound

Here’s what one BuzzFeed reader had to say about elevating cunnilingus: “When you’re going down on a woman, finger her at the same time. Suck the clitoris and curve your fingers up inside of her so you hit the G-spot.” —umgabbie

A G-spot vibrator will help you reach places that your fingers might not and allow for some internal stimulation while you focus on the clit — more on those in a second. Adding a bullet vibrator will add to your tongue game and can also be used internally, but they won’t get as deep as a G-spot vibe.

Bullet vibes are a great place to start and can be a great addition to oral sex. Here are three popular options:

The Plus One Bullet ($9 on Amazon and pictured left) has a simple rechargeable design with 10 vibration settings, offering a lot of bang for your buck.

Pep by Unbound ($42 on Unbound; pictured right) has five vibration intensities and three patterns to explore with both targeted and broad stimulation.

The Rose 2 ($90 on Vush) is a splurge-worthy bullet vibrator boasting 25 combined levels and intensities and a unique rose-shaped bulb with a flexible neck for external exploration.


Or treat their G-spot to a few good vibes with this slim silicone vibrator designed with a gentle curve to specifically reach their G-spot and blow their mind with 25 vibration modes and frequencies. Obvi, this toy is great on it’s own, but just imagine how great it will be in tandem as you (or your partner) go all “lalalalalalala” on the clit!

Slim purple vibrator with curved tip


Promising reviews:  “So this arrived in the mail today and of course I cleaned it and tried it out right away. I was BLOWN AWAY, maybe because this is my first toy or maybe because it’s just that amazing. I’m 24 and I squirted for the first time. I literally couldn’t believe it so I went for a second round and I squirted again. It’s been an hour and I’m still shocked hahaha. Please do yourself a favor and get this. I like that it fits nicely in my hand and all the different vibration patterns it is. It’s pretty quiet, too!” —evs2468

“After a lot of searching and debating I originally decided on the Svakom Coco but by sheer chance I ran across the Cici for less than half the price with almost all of the same features. I bought it almost as soon as I saw it and it got delivered before the estimated date. It works wonderfully and is very quiet, came charged right out of the box, and for a first-timer who can be a bit intimidated by girth and size, this was the perfect starter toy for me (would definitely suggest a water-based lube for internal use, it makes things a lot easier and more pleasant). I’ve seen reviews saying that the vibrations can be a bit buzzy rather than rumbly which I do think is true, but it’s a moot point for me. Overall very satisfied with the purchase!” —Megan

Get it from Amazon for $34.66.


Sucking dick — when you love it, you love it and when you don’t you, you definitely don’t. Penises (just like vulvas) come in all different shapes and sizes, so there’s no right way to give a blowjob, but knowing if the blowjob will be the beginning of sex or the only sex you plan on engaging in is always a good place to start.

Universal Pictures

Once, a man told me the thrill of blowjobs was teeth — are you a biter, a grazer, or just going down like you’re toothless? What does your partner like? Focusing on the shaft, the tip, or the balls? Here’s what several BuzzFeed readers want you to know about giving a successful blowjob: 

“Lots of spit!! Like literally spit on that dick! For whatever reason, guys love it. And lick your hand so that it’s super slippery when you need to give your lips or gag reflex a moment to rest.” — justinep42c3e9a48

“Wrapping the fingers of your left hand around your left thumb decreases or eliminates the gag reflex. And best of all, I learned this from Pinterest!” — summerkitten

“One of the secrets of a successful blow job: Open your mouth without showing your teeth.” –Carolline de Miranda

“Know how and where he wants to come in advance, and don’t stop when he’s coming. Ramp it down after he comes, nuzzle, lick, nibble, etc., as he goes soft.” — halopenobusiness

“I had a glass of ice put off to the side; my boyfriend at the time didn’t think anything of it. As I was about to give him head (without him noticing), I popped a small ice cube into my mouth. He didn’t expect it whatsoever, which was my favorite part. He loved it, and throughout our relationship, I did that every now and then to spice up the foreplay.” — michelled449dd6dec

“A mouth full of champagne or soda (anything carbonated, really) while giving oral sex to a person with a penis. Just remember to breathe through your nose!” — bostonafrorican


Pay attention to the tip.


A few quick and easy tips from our BuzzFeed readers who love sucking dick: “Use your tongue and the roof of your mouth to create suction on the tip of a penis.”— sadiem4480a859c

“The key is to keep going back to the tip. And particularly the tip on the underside of the penis. Keep running the tongue around the tip the entire time, even when it’s deep in your throat. Drives them crazy.” — somsom96


“Open your throat by imagining a fake yawn, but curl your tongue like a taco to hug the penis.”


“You can practice in the mirror since your throat contracts like a muscle and you can see how it stretches wider.”— marylyn


“If I’m giving head to a guy, then I’ll sometimes ask him to sit on the edge of the bed while I do it.”


“It’s more comfortable for me, lets me deep-throat more, and he gets the aesthetic of me kneeling in front of him. It means that I can look up and he can have his hands in my hair, too.” — emmal41


Introduce a stroker or sleeve into your blowjob if you’re pleasuring a penis-owner, which allows you to either stimulate more of the penis without having to hurt your jaw or focus more energy on your favorite parts of the penis, without ignoring the others.

Amazon, amazon.com

If you’re trying to add to your blowjob technique, using a sleeve with an open-ended design will help you stimulate the shaft while you focus on the tip, whereas using a sleeve with a closed end will stimulate the tip while you put your attention elsewhere.

Get the Fleshlight Quickshot Vantage ($34.95 on Amazon; pictured left) or the Tenga Egg disposable sleeve ($6.50+ on Amazon and also available as a six-pack; pictured right).


And, here are a few more strokers and sleeves that are perfect if your partner has experienced some bottom growth and wants to enjoy a blowjob (or if they have dysphoria about their junk)!

Model holding realistic 2-in-1 Jack strokers from New York Toy Collective

New York Toy Collective

Jack 2-in-1 stroker and packer ($59 on New York Toy Collective and pictured above), boasting representational hues and a ribbed cavity that provides suction to the wearer for a stimulating stroke session.

The über-popular Sam the STP by New York Toy Collective ($75 on New York Toy Collective) that offers versatile use from packing, peeing and playing for GNC, Trans-guys, enby, gender-fluid and gender-queer people who have been looking for the perfect penis. This might be it.

An 8-inch 2-in-1 packing dildo ($102 on Form Function LLC on Etsy), designed with a flexible shaft and a hole at the tip to create blow job-like suction for the wearer during play.

Check out this round-up for more gender-affirming sex toys!


Remember the perineum and the balls! Don’t forget to give them a little attention while you’re going all *SpongeBob licking sounddown there, because each of these spots is super sensitive and doesn’t need much to get your partner all hot and bothered.


Want to know more? Check out these tips that several BuzzFeed readers graciously shared with us about making sure the balls don’t feel left out of all the action: 

“One trick I do that he calls ‘slow and steady wins the race’ is where I slowly deep throat him, and as I bring my head back up, I’m gripping him tighter with my lips, all while massaging his balls (think playing with soft stress balls). Once in a while I’ll lick and nibble on his balls. He loves it, and it turns me on as well.” —camdelaghetto

“It’s all about the balls. Don’t ignore them — they’re precious and pleasurable to your partner! Lightly lick them, suck them gently, run your fingers through them… Seriously, anything works! Treat them just as you would his cock and it’ll make things so exhilarating for both of you.” — emilym414a2096f

“It’s all about the perineum — that’s the area between the balls and the anus on a guy. While you are going down on him, make a fist with one of your free hands and then use the flat part of your fist to gently, but firmly, massage that area in a rolling motion. If you do it right, you’ll hit that sweet spot underneath on his prostate. That, coupled with the simultaneous oral action, and he’ll be thanking you the rest of the night!” — 18milesnh


Eat the booty like groceries. I personally think that eating ass is a straight-up talent and shoutout to anyone who enjoys it and is good at it because apparently rim jobs are where it’s at, whether or not you actually plan on doing anal.

Adult Swim

The thing about rimjobs is that everyone has an anus, so anyone can give or get one.

Here’s what several BuzzFeed readers had to say about the “holy grail” of oral sex: “Getting rimmed. So many men brag about how great they are and how they could eat ass for hours, but they’re down there a minute, and then are like, ‘Great, time to jam it in!’ Like nah, you need to actually put in the effort. Tops seriously underestimate how much a rimjob can loosen their partner up — in a good way! — for entry.” —joep45cede9de

“My trick is to wash my honey’s backdoor myself. Do it in a way that’s sensual. He gets why, and I get peace of mind, so that I can feel free to go to town. Both of us end up very happy!” —kellyb4008c2352

“I like bending over a couch or desk while my partner kneels behind me. Putting my legs up and spreading my cheeks myself is great too. Face-sitting is great for my partner’s neck. We switch it up.” —Anonymous

“It’s subtle. Gently run your tongue around their hole. Then you forcefully lick up while pushing your tongue inside of them. Following this, you forcefully run your tongue back down with the backside of your tongue. Guaranteed moans and easier entry.” —alexc409dd9c76

21. Get a lot more bang for your buck with this unique anal plug that simulates the feeling of rimming with rotating anal beads in the shaft and a vibrating tip that hits your favorite spots. Perfect for anyone who’s not interested in eating ass but has a partner that wants to indulge in some anal.

This 1.5-inch diameter plug has seven rotation patterns and six intensities to explore and stimulate your P-spot as you start (or continue) your journey into anal play. Also, it’s splash-proof!

Looking for something a little larger? Check out the Rimming Plug 2 and Rimming Plug XL, that have all the same features but a little more length.

Promising reviews: “I’ve been selling this toy at my shop for the past 2 years and recently invested in it and I found myself asking one huge question: why oh why did I wait so long to get it? Out of all my anal toys this is my favorite by far!” —Melissa

“I used this toy on myself and was thrilled by the strong vibrations and the rimming sensation of the stem. The larger rimming toy seemed intimidating, but this toy comes in a size that I can use casually without having to do a ton of serious warm up every time I want to use it. I wasn’t sure if I would like the rimming aspect but found that it was an exciting new addition to an already great butt toy. Overall, I’m very excited about this toy and would recommend it.” —Rimming Lover

Get it from B-Vibe for $154.99 (available in three colors).


Once it’s time to start inserting toys or penises into places, make sure to use lube! Like one reader says, they exist for a reason and it’s a REALLY GOOD ONE.

amazon.com, amazon.com

This BuzzFeed reader is helping to spread the lube gospel:

“Use lube! It not only helps lubricate you and your partner, it can make trying new positions or new toys easier and more comfortable. This can lead to you truly finding out what you like and don’t like.” —jaclync4f4b3b5e8

If you’re not sure which lube to start with, here are a few great options:

#Lube Life ($5.99+ on Amazon) is a popular water-based lubricant with over 100K reviews and is a simple and straightforward lube to help things go smoothly.

Überlube ($19.99+ on Amazon) is a silicone lubricant, making it great for anal and water play, but make sure not to use it with silicone toys because it will degrade the material.

Astroglide ($5.69+ on Amazon) also has a silicone lubricant that’s available in travel-friendly sizes for on-the-go trysts.

Sliquid’s hybrid lubricant ($29.50 on Amazon) is created with a blend of water and silicone, making it versatile enough for vaginal and anal sex and compatible with your silicone sex toys.

Wicked ($9.83+ on Amazon) has a water-based lubricant specifically for anal in case you plan on indulging in butt play.

Boy Butter ($24.92 on Amazon) is an oil-based lubricant that’s perfect for anal or fisting.

Coconu ($39.99 on Amazon) also has a 2-in-1 oil-based massage oil that can be used as a lubricant when the time comes.


Switch up positions (or time and locations) during sex and really enjoy and perfect those favorite positions. If you like to be on top? Get on top! Want to test out the durability of the kitchen countertop? Sick of missionary or doggystyle? Switch 👏 it 👏 up! 👏

Collage of illustrated sex positions

Kevin Valente / BuzzFeed

There are sooooooo many different kinds of sex and even more ways to make it pleasurable, so definitely communicate with your partner about what you want to continue doing and when you want to change it up! If any of the positions above have your curiosity, check out Staff Writer Stephanie Hope‘s review of all 13 different sex positions.

A few BuzzFeed readers shared their thoughts on how they keep their sex life alive with their partner:

“Every couple has that one great position that’s the best fit for them, but you’ll only find it if you practice!” –Anonymous

“Just take control and switch or ask for something different. It doesn’t have to be awkward or not as fun for your partner — chances are when you both are getting the same amount of pleasure the sex will be a million times more enjoyable! There’s nothing worse than being stuck in a position you’re not enjoying and pretending that you are.” —brittanycreed

“I think there’s nothing sexier than morning sex. Waking up in bed with your partner and feeling that he’s aroused as you’re spooning, or even anticipating it, can be so sexy. It’s also such a great way to start the day.” —ring4e2bcee81


*ORkeep it simple and do it like they do on the Discovery channel.


Go back to basics and just fuck like animals…at least, the consenting, non-cannibalistic or parasitic ones, like this BuzzFeed reader:

“Someone who loves me but has no interest in ‘making love.’ Sex is primal. Let’s get physical, hit several positions, and fuck like bunnies. After we finish, we have a giggle, eat a pizza, and head for round two.” —nolanryan


Up the pleasure with a sex pillow, which is soft, squishy and sometimes contoured, making it easy to use. Besides comfort, sex pillows can be used to add leverage for specific positions or even finding new angles to explore.

@dameproducts, Amazon

You could also use a regular pillow, stacked or folded for extra leverage, but the perk of a sex pillow is the contoured, wedge shape that helps add angles and firmer material that offers better support.

Dame’s Pillo ($95 on Dame; pictured left) is a popular option for a sex pillow and offers a lot of versatility without being too obvious in your space.

The Liberator Heart Wedge pillow ($109.99 on Lovehoney (only in red) and $74.99+ on Amazon; available in nine colors and pictured right) is also a very chic option for grinding.

Promising review: “Perfect size, firmness, etc. Didn’t feel like it was necessarily needed, until now having it. Worth purchasing for sure!” —Samantha W.


Understand that sex toys are friends and partners, not competition.

Negesti Kaudo / BuzzFeed / Disney

There’s no reason fo your to side-eye your partner’s sex toy, instead ask them about it and why they like it! You might learn a little something about your partner or even unlock a curiosity of your own. Just make sure if you’re sharing sex toys to clean them between uses with a toy cleaner or mild antibacterial soap and water *ORyou can use condoms as extra protection for internal or penetrative toys.

Here’s what two BuzzFeed readers had to say about including sex toys into partnered sex: 

“Simultaneous clitoral stimulation during penetration is great, so don’t be shy and get out a vibrator that’s designed for clitoral stimulation.” —sophiaw4b79e165d

“If your boyfriend is opposed to you buying a vibrator because he thinks it’ll ‘replace’ him, buy it anyway. You deserve the pleasure. Plus they’re fun for both parties during sex.” —adrianaee

If you’re not sure what kind of sex toys to introduce to your partnered sex, try out these popular options designed for clitorises:

Unbound’s The Puff compact suction vibrator ($48 on Unbound and Urban Outfitters; available in two colors) has five intensities and a simple design that allows you to slowly edge your way to orgasm or go from 0-60 in three minutes. Check out my personal review of why the Puff by Unbound is my favorite sex toy for more details!

Satisfyer Pro 2 ($44.95 on Amazon), which might literally be the most beloved sex toy on Amazon, has 11 suction intensities that range from “wow” to “oh %6*9#” according to reviewers. Plus, it’s waterproof, so it can join you in the shower.


Invest in a magic wand. This is the powerhouse of wand vibrators and comes in four options based on if you want a plug-in toy or rechargeable, a large wand or miniature. Not to mention, they are *alltravel-friendly.

@truemagicwand / Via instagram.com, @truemagicwand / Via instagram.com

One BuzzFeed reader (asexual/F) says the wand is a #musthave: “I haven’t met a woman alive who hasn’t been successful with the Hitachi. Like, if you have trouble orgasming, just do it. It gets the job done quickly.” —Anonymous

So, basically it’s a powerful and reliable classic whether you get the OG plug-in, the rechargeable version or the improved Plus version of the OG.

Promising reviews: “I ordered Vibratex Magic Wand Massager. My wife seemed upset that I’d buy her something like that for Christmas… But after her first use, she’s completely addicted. She frequently asks me to give her back massages with it (Plus points for intimacy ^_^). She also whips it out during sex in a variety of positions, achieving multiple orgasms… Tons of longer, more intimate and louder sexual encounters. Before buying the massager she was rarely sexual and we’d occasionally go weeks without a sexual encounter. Now it’s about 4 or 5 times a week. She occasionally uses it late at night and doesn’t call me into the room to help…” —Chris

“Almost instant gratification for men. Sexual desires are quickly satisfied. Within minutes. Once you know your different pleasure points. All you need to do is position the magic wand. Then let the vibes do their thing. Your hard or limp manhood will explode in sexual ecstasy that only a man knows and feels. If you haven’t cum for awhile, you might be able to have a second sexual pleasure erupt. Its even better if your other half decides to play. Teasing you. Letting you beg for release… The best thing about the wand: both partners will enjoy using it. Just watch the time limit. Plus how warm it gets. Just keep the foreplay going. Until it has cooled down enough for another bout of sexual pleasure. I highly recommend this magic wand. Enjoy!!” —Siegfried

Get the Magic Wand from Amazon for $69.95+.


Train your body to prepare for receiving larger or girthier partners and/or dildos with dilators, lube and lots of pre-play and nonpenetrative touching and rubbing.

@bvibe_social / Via instagram.com, Amazon

Training for penetration is an easy way to prepare yourself physically (and mentally) to move up to inserting sex toys into your vagina or anus *oreasily graduating to a larger size. Here are two sets of dilators to consider, one specifically for anal and one that can be used for vaginal dilation:

A set of anal dilators ($129.99 on B-Vibe and pictured left) that range from 2.7 inches long to 4 inches long and 0.8 inches wide to 1.5 inches wide. Not to mention the bulbous head and flared base make it perfect for anal and even temperature play.

A set of four vaginal silicone dilators ($29.99 on Amazon and pictured right) are perfect for working your way up vaginally or anally, and come with four dilators ranging from 4.33 inches long and 0.51 inches wide to 7.68 inches long and 1.26 inches wide. This is also available as a set of five dilators. Just remember to use lube when training with dilators!


Try out anal — whether exploring new territory with a vulva-owner or pegging your penis-owning partner, once you’ve discussed that the butt is fair game, make sure you do it safely.


You might need to douche beforehand (and that’s okay!) because butt stuff can get messy real quick if you’re not prepared and a little cleanup can help with confidence. You will need to use lube, and don’t worry we’ve rounded up the best anal lubes for you to try out! And you should absolutely take it slow, the anus is extremely sensitive and too much force and not enough prep can lead to injury.

Here’s some tips and tricks that BuzzFeed readers who enjoy anal had to offer:

“Anal sex feels incredibly better after really, really long foreplay. You’ll feel more relaxed, and your whole body will have had time to get into sex-mode. Also, wear condoms.” —giulianam419dc2e20

“Even if you love anal, know how to prepare, and do everything you should to be ready for it, your ass will always decide if now is the time to play ‘do I have to shit or not?'” —Rachel Glenn, Facebook


Start out with plugs and anal-specific dildos, if you’re interested but don’t feel ready for full-on anal sex.

Unbound, Negesti Kaudo / BuzzFeed

Since you’re planning on doing anal with these toys, make sure to only use toys with a flared base, so that they don’t get stuck or lost inside your precious anal cavity and you can remove them with ease. If you’re not sure where to start, here’s a round up of sex toys only meant for anal and anal vibrators.

As one BuzzFeed reader found out the hard way:

“Be careful which toys you use. My fiancé put a vibrator in my butt while we were doing vaginal doggy and the vibrator FELL INTO MY BUTT. Like my butt swallowed the vibrator whole. We spent 10 minutes trying to pull it out before finally doing it successfully.” —Sydney LeDonne, Facebook

Here are three slim, beginner-friendly plugs to help you get started:

The Nudge plug ($25 on Unbound; pictured left) made from supple silicone with a tapered tip for effortless insertion that’ll hit all the right spots without being overwhelming.

The Cone plug by Maude ($30 on Maude; pictured right) boasts a slim, tapered design and flared base to make sure it stays put.

A Novice Plug by B-Vibe ($134.99 on B-Vibe) designed for beginners with a slim, tapered form and 15 vibration patterns with six intensities for you to explore.


Make sure to do proper aftercare after anal sex and take it slow with your partner as your anus re-acclimates.


Some BuzzFeed readers with some really important post-anal sex information:

“Don’t go back to vaginal intercourse after trying anal. You can get [an] infection.” —elisandrac2

“Condoms make it so much easier, and eliminate the very awkward feeling of shitting jizz afterwards.” —samueldavidg

“All the lube will make pooping after very interesting. You shouldn’t trust a fart for at least 24 hours.” —anniel4ca6e13ff

“If he ejaculates into you, it does not come out straight away and you may be blowing butt bubbles for a few hours after!” —Lee-Marie Brough, Facebook


Edging. That’s it. That’s the tip.


Here’s what one BuzzFeed reader had to say about edging: “If he can handle it edging is great. Just as he is about to orgasm I slow down and back off so he doesn’t cum right away before building him back up again. I do this as many as 5 or 6 times. Until he is begging me to finish him. The more times he lets you edge him in a session the more powerful the final release.” —literatefootballchick

You can use any of the sex toys already mentioned to try to edge your partner, or up the ante (and your pleasure) by trying out a remote-controlled cock ring for penis owners, a panty or egg vibrator for vulva owners, or an anal plug for either, so check out these popular options:

A Lovense Lush 3 discreet wearable egg vibrator ($129 on Amazon) that won’t clash with your favorite lingerie and will get you off with seven vibration modes and or personalized patterns using the Bluetooth app.

A stretchy We-Vibe Pivot cock ring ($109 on We-Vibe and $103.55 on Amazon) created with supple silicone for comfort and 11 vibration modes delivering dual stimulation to the wearer and your lover when you’re together or powerful solo vibes when apart.

versatile panty vibrator ($119 on Amazon) that’ll stay put while your lover controls its adjustable vibration modes and speeds at close-range or from afar.

A sleek prostate massager ($139 on We-Vibe and $132.05 on Amazon) boasting six vibration modes to cycle through alone or with a partner using the app or wireless remote control to deliver dual stimulation to the prostate and perineum.

Looking for more? Make sure to check out this round-up of long-distance sex toys.


Take your partner to the edge with a mini wand vibrator for both of you to enjoy targeted, high-powered vibrations all over.

Reviewer holding pink miniature wand


Yup. Vibrators have no gender and as one penis-owner raves, you should definitely get one: “I use my girlfriend’s vibrator on and around my balls. The vibrator really amplifies things. Wish I would have known about that when I was in high school.” —30/Male/Straight

The Shibari Mini Halo Plus wand (pictured above) is a very popular option for anyone not ready to commit to a full-size wand vibrator or looking for a travel-friendly option. It’s fully waterproof and boasts 20 vibrating patterns with eight speeds for a rumbling good time.

Get it from Amazon for $20.75+ (available in seven colors).


Get a little kinky. Start off slow with sensation toys, such as nipple clamps, feather teasers and blindfolds and then work your way up your comfort level with a partner. Who knows? You might end up having to buy some sex furniture for your newfound kinks!

Emojibator, Unbound

This BuzzFeed reader has some sage advice about why it’s crucial to take the time to find out and explore what your partner likes: “Similar tastes. Among all the others (consent, communication, etc.) that are pretty obvious, there’s nothing better than finding out that your partner has a kink that is perfectly in line with your own.” —frontrow333

Here are some great options to help you get started:

A satin blindfold ($7.99 on Lovehoney) to elevate your solo or partnered sesh by heightening and relying on your other senses for some semi-mysterious sensation play.

An ultra-soft bondage rope ($35 on Emojibator; pictured left) with Funfetti rainbow colors and 26 feet of length.

A versatile bed restraint system ($48.28 on Amazon) that includes four adjustable cuffs and restraint straps that fit underneath your mattress, so you can be immobilized by your lover with comfort.

A 24-karat gold-plated nipple clamp ($35 on Unbound; pictured right) that follows the happiest of trails down to the clitoris for an extra-stimulating squeeze.

And here’s a round-up of more BDSM and kink accessories you should probably own already, but don’t.


Discuss a safe word you and your partner can both use when you get uncomfortable or implement the traffic-light system to gauge each other’s comfort during play.


Remember that consent is a priority when it comes to enjoying and indulging in all sorts of play.

A safe word is a simple as it sounds: a word negotiated between partners that lets each other know when you’ve reached a hard limit or are uncomfortable during play. For example: “pineapples” or “bubbles” or “Hades” and if you are not able to come up with something clever—”stop” is perfectly fine. 

Meanwhile, the traffic-light system is a gauge of comfort, similar to red light for stop, yellow for slow and green for go. This can also include a safe word or series of safe words that help you and your partner know when you’ve reached a hard limit and need to stop (red), are nearing a limit or one’s tolerance (yellow), and when things are great and should keep on going (green, duh). 

36. Add an 11-piece bondage set to your collection. This kit is a perfect one-stop shop option for anyone looking to explore BDSM. From ball gags and blindfolds to rope and a whip, this set offers a lot of room for a newbie to work their way up.

the set in black with chrome accents


This bondage set boasts various items made of leather and nylon, including one pair of handcuffs, one pair of ankle cuffs, one pair of nipple clamps, a whip, a rope, a ball gag, a feather tickler, a collar, a hogtie, a blindfold and a paddle.

Promising review: “I was surprised how many pieces came with this set. The fur lining makes the cuffs and collars very comfortable, and uses buckles rather than velcro. The set is shown on women but I used it on a man. Some of the chain link could probably be broken through, if they wanted to. Impact play items work well, and the variety of items give this set a lot of options. I used the cuffs with a bed strap system I already had.” —Anonymous

Get it from Amazon for $25.99

Or, if you prefer your kink in pink, get a very similar set from Provacateur Creations on Etsy for $41.99 (originally $59.99; it doesn’t contain the hogtie or the paddle).

Provocateur Creations is based in Ireland and specializes in hand-crafting adult products.


Have FUN with your partner, remembering that an orgasm is not the end game! There doesn’t have to be a goal during sex — it can simply be about pleasure and connection, and that alone can make it the best sex you’ve ever had.

David L. Wolper Productions

Real talk, the orgasm is not equal — people with penises orgasm much more easily and don’t bounce back as fast, many vulva-owners don’t come or orgasm from penetrative sex alone, squirting is real but not common or necessary, and multiple orgasms can happen, but again might not.

Here’s what a couple of BuzzFeed readers had to say about all the hype surrounding orgasms during sex:

“The best thing I was ever told was not to go in with some sort of goal, like that you have to come or it has to be penetrative. The only goal of sex should be to feel good, and have fun while you’re at it!” —carrasharp

“Yes! Stop. Faking. Orgasms. This can just build up to resentment later on and post-coital disgust… And then sex won’t be fun anymore! If you absolutely can’t get off, just let your partner know it’s no one’s fault and just enjoy the journey, as corny as that sounds. Great sex means that orgasm is no longer the ultimate ‘goal.’ Relax and enjoy ^_^” —jlane

You and your partner after scrolling through this post:


The reviews for this post have been edited for length and clarity.

Facebook Thumb credit: Netflix

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